Humans are defined by relationships. There are no set guidelines or user manuals to help a person negotiate through them. Some people are just plain good at it while others mess up every relationship they get into. A majority are able to get by based on their experiences in life. There is no reason to feel bad just because you are bad at relationships. There are many internal factors that mould your personality, character and self-esteem. These play an important role in the making or breaking of relationships. Your childhood experiences also influence your success at relationships. Here we will try to deal with a few important questions and answers on relationships.
Why do you succeed at some relationships and fail at others?
As children you have many people in your life like parents, siblings and grandparents. You are born with them and learn to adjust and adapt to them just as they do with you. As you start socializing, you find people who are of the same age or temperament and become friends. These friendships can be short even for a few hours over the course of bus trip or last several years sometimes even a lifetime. If you think about the dynamics of friendships there is no pressure on you to succeed if the friendship is real. It doesn't matter if you don't become best friends with every person you meet. Hence, most people manage to maintain at least a few friendships in their life without any problems. Friends can be friends even without keeping in touch for several years.
The above rule does not apply to other close relationships you make as adults, like the one you have with your partner or spouse.
You are under pressure to make our relationships work. As adults you are expected to find partners with whom you have to share almost every aspect of your life. It's a whole different ball game to be in a relationship. The stress and pressure becomes too difficult for some to handle for some, while others treat it with the respect, love and understanding it deserves and succeed fabulously.
Of course, there are many other reasons a relationship may fail, like a phobia to commitment, being selfish, unable to give and take, unable to sacrifice certain things, too much focus on (career, studying etc.) and so on which also result in the failure of relationships. Failed relationships have bad consequences as they leave behind broken hearts, dented confidence, financial ruin and most heart-breaking of all children who have bear the brunt of these broken relationships.
Why are some people afraid to commitment?
Committing to another individual is a big decision. It involves a huge amount of give and take. It involves surrendering a prized commodity - freedom.
As you grow older you get set in your ways and it becomes more difficult to give up on things you hold dear to your heart. It is very hard to find someone who is willing to give up everything they believe in and willingly submit to your will, your likes and dislikes.
Also, if you have faced huge disappointment or severe problems in your previous relationships it is only to be expected that you will be hesitant to get into a new one. It is to avoid the pain, hurt or humiliation you faced in an earlier bad relationship.
Commitment also comes with responsibility. When you commit to somebody you become responsible for their well-being and that of any kids in the future.
The above are just a few reasons why people are commitment phobic. Here we have tried to answer two very important questions regarding relationships. There are many questions and answers on this very complicated subject which cannot be addressed in this short article.